Sleep Training for the Toddler

Prepare the little one

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B-E-S-T

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• B - Building confidence: talk about “good” things about sleep. 可以表扬他们睡 的很好，或者跟他们说自己睡的好，变强壮了，etc. 产生正面影响

• E - expectations: 明确表达你对他们的期望，希望他们做什么。 “I’m going to give you lots of kisses, and you’re going to lay down on your bed, close your eyes and have a good sleep. "

• S - simulate: practice bedtime. “show me how to close your eyes?”; talk to stuffed animals.

• T - Tanks: fill in the 3 tanks before bedtime.

Before you say goodnight

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Daytime affects bedtime

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Timing

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• bedtime between 7-8 pm is best. but if children sleeps well, other time is fine.

• Avg 20-30 minutes to sleep. We need to be intentional about their “end of day”.

About 30 minutes BEFORE bedtime routine

• Avoid screen time.

• Observe their behavior, looking for sleepy queues.

  Some overtired signs

  • Big spike in energy level
  • fussiness
  • clumnsiness

  Connection helps cooperation

Bedtime routine

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Implement SAD when kids refuse to start bedtime routine

Tips

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• 15-20 minutes
• undivided attention; siblings may need to be included
• anticipate future requests
• make it enjoyable and fun
• don’t rush it
• make sure the child is set up for B-E-S-T
• Kiss lovey or stuffed animals

A bedtime book: helps children visualize

A bedtime chart: visual reminder for what comes next

After goodnight

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interaction with you is their goal, try to make it boring.

Very few things coming out of your mouth, only two types

Reassuring message

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Short, offering support to help children. With three parts:

Truth: Mommy is here

Affirmations: You’re safe, and you’re loved

Physical expectation and reason: close your eyes and close your mouth. your body needs sleep

“close your eyes” > “go to sleep” : make the command concrete and actionable.

Your version:

Affirmations: “you’re okay”/“I believe in you”/“you’re trying so hard”

Redirecting message

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Used sparingly, only when you’re trying to “cool” down things.

Don’t reward children with shouting/angry/frustrated. BE boring.

Example:

Goal: It’s time to sleep

Physical expectation: You need to lay down in your bed and close your eyes

Warning: If you don’t, I will need to leave.

little-by-little

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Stay at each row for 2 nights, then move down to make progress.

The Recipe

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Bedtime Boosts

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1. Before you leave: “I’m going to leave. Shut your mouth and you eyes. I’ll come back to check in 30 seconds”
2. If he stays, come back and say reassuring message + “I’ll go to the bathroom and comeback to check on you if you stay quietly in bed.” (any activity that they know won’t be long)

Tips

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• Make progress little-by-little, don’t be too aggressive. Stay on each row 2 nights min, maybe 3.

• Both parents participate

• Mid-night wakings: Walk them back to bed, reassuring messsages + bedtime boosts

Handling 4-6 am

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If children wakes before 6, treat it like night time, see mid-night wakings in the tips section.

When it’s past 6am, switch to day mode:

• Turn on lights, open curtains
• “Good morning!”
• start your day

Good Morning

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Let the party begin!

1. Describe what they did well to reinforce: “You stayed in your bed the whole night!” / “Hooray!” / “sleeping is making me strong, can I see your muscles? Sleep is making your body strong too”

There could be challenges:

• If child wakes up grumpy: influence their mood by showing them morning is good and you’re excited.

• If children don’t like start “excited”: give time to slowly wake up, but be clear about the boundary between sleep and day.

Naps

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Preparing for naps

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Setup the room exactly like the nights, and keep it dark like nights.

Perfect time for nap:

• About 6 hours wake window before nap
• About 5 hours wake window after nap

Wake windows can be a bit flexible for this age: ~30 minutes range to wake/nap/bedtime

Offer a naptime routine just like bedtime: reading, etc help children unwind.

little-by-little for naps

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Same plan: mirroring what you’re doing at night time during nap.

If staying in the room is not feasible or not good? We can jump to the bottom of the chart (out of the room w/ Bedtime Boosts)

Attempt a nap for 75-90 minutes. End nap time at 90 minutes mark.

If no nap is taken

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1. Oops nap: offer 20-30 min “oops nap” opportunity which allows them fall asleep “by accident” like short car trip, etc. Do it before 4pm.

2. Make bedtime early if “oops nap” doesn’t happen.

Short naps

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Short nap: naps shorter than 90 min for 2yr, 60min for 3yr+

Give them 15-25 minutes to fall back to sleep before going into the room. If they can’t get back to sleep, end nap time.

Evaluate if short nap continues:

• environment
• activities prior to naps
• wake windows
• The kid’s nap needs

Beyond sleep training

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Don’t be over-stressed over following the routines an schedules: children can “stretch”, be flexible and are able to handle changes. Thrive in life and “stretch”.

Getting back on track

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Routine broken due to events (travels, etc).

1. Give a few days grace period for kids to o back.
2. Words be good as gold, show there’s no “alternatives”
3. Set up child with B-E-S-T
4. check bedtime routine
5. Return to “little-by-little” method
6. Be consistent with your days.

Extra considerations

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Adding a sibling

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• Avoid major life changes 3 months before/after newborn arrival to reduce stress.

• Three things to do for the toddler

  1. Get outside if possible: exposure to daylight, fresh air.
  2. Fill the attention tank: set aside 15 min face-to-face time with the toddler everyday. (“special time”) Let the child lead the way.
  3. Maintain a consistent bedtime routine.

Pooping at sleep time

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1. Give 30 min play time after eating
2. Give privacy time BEFORE routines to allow kids to poop prior to bedtime.

Transitioning from a crib to a bed

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It’s strongly recommended to keep children in a crib.